Two years ago when my first grandchild was born I was told I would love him more than my child. "Just you wait," they, the grandmothers said. "You'll see how that little one will capture your heart and fill you with an indescribable feeling." "A falling in love again feeling," said one. "An immeasurable joy," said the other. "Deliriously intoxicating," said another. "A sweet surrender," said yet another. "It's a different love," they all chimed in.
Last month, my second grandchild was born, and once again I was reminded by faithful friends that grandchildren are loved more than one's own.
Here, I beg to differ.Yes, each of my friends is right in her measure of the immeasurable feelings, but I cannot love my grandchildren more than my own child/children. To the contrary, the love for my child has reached newer depths and higher grounds with an intensity that echoes into the grandchild. I see my child in tender awe at the moment of entering into the inescapable divine fellowship of creating and nurturing, and it is at that moment that I realize that my love for my child radiates through her, gains energy with her love, and spreads with perfection into her child, my grandchild. When I see the faith in my child's eye, the love in her touch, the tender hope in her attitude and her weary sleepless gaze as she prays with infant in hand, I am reminded of the child of yesterday, my child, a radiant reality of today looking upon and caring for her own child, my grandchild, I am full circle. I am wholesome. Do not misunderstand. I love my grandchildren.They, like all children embody the innocence of life with their trusting embrace filled with wonderment and unspoiled by the hard skepticism of the world, a naivete which we all desire.
Yes, I love my grandchildren for they serve as reminders of how precious my children and all children are, and how holy the sacrament of childhood is ... something we are often in danger of losing, especially when interacting with our now adult offspring. Often, as young parents in our youth, we do not have the wisdom we require at the time of need to set our priorities in order. Youth do not want to have wisdom. Youth gather knowledge, pass the experiences, cherish hopes, which, as a rule, can only later be fulfilled. We struggle, we worry and only later, in hindsight, have an understanding of our hurdles and their validity in the course of our lives. Hence the older I grow, the more I begin to love the wisdom revealed to me by life. I recall the words of the bishop ("What is Love?" May 6, 2010 blog) who said, "The more 'love of life' wisdom increases, egoism and expectation of gaining something from our wisdom decreases."
Most of us gain wisdom, understanding, patience, and the love to be wonderful parents after our parenting years are over. By the time our children produce the grandchildren, we reach the wisdom of God's perfect love engaging mind, body and soul in unity, (at least I hope we do!). We reach a tolerance that forgets differences as we sit and play on hands and knees; we acquire a patience that rebuilds houses of blocks as they purposely topple to the floor for the hundredth time; we genuinely acquire a vision that sees the world as a splendid place with brave knights and dragons and 'buzz light years' and fairies and x-men and Lego's and trucks and tractors that build and destroy only to rebuild over and over again...all reaching toward the sky and beyond.
Wisdom and the years help remind me that a child's laughter is the light of life. That wiping noses and pouring juice into "sippy" cups, though mindless, is profoundly important. That what once appeared as a life sentence to a young parent with milk stains on my shoulder, now seems to be a jail breaking, liberating experience with jelly stains on my knees. The genuineness of being comfortable with ones childish self breaks out, and what seemed important at the time has gained in wisdom and seems unimportant now. All the struggles and "what ifs" vanish at the sight of my child's love for her child. I am reminded that my child, my adult child, is the "cute, adorable, naughty, lovable, play with me, splish-splash bathing, chocolate eating, just because" child. I am overflowing with the sweet nectar of love that echoes with squeals and laughter from my child and her children.
What were the words my friends used? Ah, yes. Deliriously intoxicating. A sweet surrender.
This I humbly speak...with a love for all children
Last month, my second grandchild was born, and once again I was reminded by faithful friends that grandchildren are loved more than one's own.
Here, I beg to differ.Yes, each of my friends is right in her measure of the immeasurable feelings, but I cannot love my grandchildren more than my own child/children. To the contrary, the love for my child has reached newer depths and higher grounds with an intensity that echoes into the grandchild. I see my child in tender awe at the moment of entering into the inescapable divine fellowship of creating and nurturing, and it is at that moment that I realize that my love for my child radiates through her, gains energy with her love, and spreads with perfection into her child, my grandchild. When I see the faith in my child's eye, the love in her touch, the tender hope in her attitude and her weary sleepless gaze as she prays with infant in hand, I am reminded of the child of yesterday, my child, a radiant reality of today looking upon and caring for her own child, my grandchild, I am full circle. I am wholesome. Do not misunderstand. I love my grandchildren.They, like all children embody the innocence of life with their trusting embrace filled with wonderment and unspoiled by the hard skepticism of the world, a naivete which we all desire.
Yes, I love my grandchildren for they serve as reminders of how precious my children and all children are, and how holy the sacrament of childhood is ... something we are often in danger of losing, especially when interacting with our now adult offspring. Often, as young parents in our youth, we do not have the wisdom we require at the time of need to set our priorities in order. Youth do not want to have wisdom. Youth gather knowledge, pass the experiences, cherish hopes, which, as a rule, can only later be fulfilled. We struggle, we worry and only later, in hindsight, have an understanding of our hurdles and their validity in the course of our lives. Hence the older I grow, the more I begin to love the wisdom revealed to me by life. I recall the words of the bishop ("What is Love?" May 6, 2010 blog) who said, "The more 'love of life' wisdom increases, egoism and expectation of gaining something from our wisdom decreases."
Most of us gain wisdom, understanding, patience, and the love to be wonderful parents after our parenting years are over. By the time our children produce the grandchildren, we reach the wisdom of God's perfect love engaging mind, body and soul in unity, (at least I hope we do!). We reach a tolerance that forgets differences as we sit and play on hands and knees; we acquire a patience that rebuilds houses of blocks as they purposely topple to the floor for the hundredth time; we genuinely acquire a vision that sees the world as a splendid place with brave knights and dragons and 'buzz light years' and fairies and x-men and Lego's and trucks and tractors that build and destroy only to rebuild over and over again...all reaching toward the sky and beyond.
Wisdom and the years help remind me that a child's laughter is the light of life. That wiping noses and pouring juice into "sippy" cups, though mindless, is profoundly important. That what once appeared as a life sentence to a young parent with milk stains on my shoulder, now seems to be a jail breaking, liberating experience with jelly stains on my knees. The genuineness of being comfortable with ones childish self breaks out, and what seemed important at the time has gained in wisdom and seems unimportant now. All the struggles and "what ifs" vanish at the sight of my child's love for her child. I am reminded that my child, my adult child, is the "cute, adorable, naughty, lovable, play with me, splish-splash bathing, chocolate eating, just because" child. I am overflowing with the sweet nectar of love that echoes with squeals and laughter from my child and her children.
What were the words my friends used? Ah, yes. Deliriously intoxicating. A sweet surrender.
This I humbly speak...with a love for all children
Thanks once again, wise cousin, for reminding me of the value of those stains on my shoulder and how intentionally we should slow our parenting down. We should all be so lucky to make it to grandparenthood with senses in tact.
ReplyDeleteHey sista, You are blessed with 2 beautiful grandchildren, 2 gorgeous children, 2 lovely siblings, and most of all because you are so loving, compassionate and grateful. Keep on inspiring your grandkids with your playfulness, and the older kids with a silver lining.xxxx Anni
ReplyDeleteSuch a brilliant observation..you make us see parenting at the most precious and deepest level of feelings. I'm not a parent, but through these words that you've written so beautifully, i can truly feel your heart bursting with joy; i can feel your sense of pride, admiration and awe as you watch your child be the mommy that she is. I LOVE this piece Silva. bravo.
ReplyDeleteWith two children under the age of two, I find little time to relish in the stains (until they're both asleep and I can gaze at their angelic faces deep in slumber)...instead, I pray I make it through the day with some sanity left. Reading your blog lifts my spirits up to know that I will one day enjoy the youthfulness of grandchildren. On another note, the love for one's own mother is also exponentially increased after having a child. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog!
ReplyDeletelove the kids, love the grandkids
ReplyDeletexoxoserko