(Posted, as published Dec.7,2011 issue of the Armenian Observer)
Yesterday, I did not want to live up to my potential. I did not want to contribute or strive to do better. Yesterday, I did not want to share one thought or substance, or volunteer to do one thing. I wanted to take a day off from all form of action or reaction that required external exertion on my part. I wanted to read. The phone rang, and because I had "boycotted" the day, I let the answering machine pick up the message. "Hello Ms. K...." said the voice, young and earnest, "... your generous gift of time last year provided ........much needed assistance and we were wondering if we could count on you for the same generous donation in service again this year?"
This was an unusual request. Around this time of the year my mail box is inundated with solicitations for monetary donations to feed the hungry, to build new shelters and why not, even churches. The phone rings incessantly with requests for assistance and last minute tax deductible donations for local homeless families and even my alma mater; and at every corner the jingling bells of Salvation Army money kettles are heard kindling the light that sometimes struggles in my heart. All ask for monetary assistance, hoping to reach and tap into kindness; one that stems from the basic goodness of mankind; the vehicle through which, in the larger struggle of good and bad times, we rely on to sustain hope.
It had never occured to me that giving of my time was a donation or that it was a gift. All these years, my motive to do so had been none other than instinctive spontaneity....something learned or cultivated in me from infancy. As a child, a variety of habits and convictions were bred as a direct result of examples set by family, tradition and society who emphasized the importance of practicing the "do unto others as you'd have done to you" moral rule including but not limited to a life of service toward fellow neighbors. By fostering these forms of morals year in and year out into adulthood, the habit took over from within until it became second nature, performed without giving it a second thought. Add to this a grandmother who quoted from the Bible and told the story of the woman at the Temple who, despite her poverty, gave her last two copper coins to the treasury. The woman gave spontaneously as a tangible expression of her faith and committment to the cause she believed in. Hence, in my mind, generosity was measured by the ease with which one puts one's hand in her/his pocket to give of monetary assistance to a cause that was near and dear to one's heart. The woman at the Temple had done just that. She had put her faith into action without giving it a second thought. Had I, too,done that? Had I put my faith into action by being "generous" with my time? If so, I certainly wasn't doing it now. And what of the tens of thousands of volunteers in every fork and bend of our lives who spend countless hours doing their level best without thanks or glory to create, to shelter, to aid, to build, to strengthen a system in a world they believe in? Their generosity in kindness and courage are unparallel. What of the countless times when people rise above trying circumstances putting others before themselves? I recalled earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, hurricanes, mudslides and rock slides, fires and floods, famine, medical aid, vaccines, shelter, illness and death...the spontaneous impulse is to lend a hand sending ripples that bring us back to that place of instinctive goodness which is deeply rooted in us from birth...a place from where we sometimes drift away until we are reminded by some misfortune or crisis to return to. Generosity in its many forms... energy, money, love, time, food, service, advise, a shoulder, a spirit..., comes from the heart. Generosity is neither an obligation nor duty. It stems from rooting one's life in kindness, compassion and humility.
Yesterday, I learned that I have a long way to go before I can truly be classified as generous. I know I will sometimes fail miserably to live up to my potential, but yesterday, I put aside the book.Yesterday, I picked up the phone to return the call.
